Going Through Withdrawal

  
I’ve been back for about 2 weeks now and I am still missing the food, the beautiful views, the architecture and the different people I was around everyday. It feels really weird to be home by myself. I’ll be in social settings at times but a lot of my time is spent on my own, especially since I have not yet returned to work (back to work in 9 days). Adding to that is the fact that I’ve been to 3 weddings in the last 6 weeks! Just a reminder that I am and have been single for over 2 years now. 

While I was away things were relaxed, happy and just about enjoying life, which I guess is the case on any vacation. Now that I am back I’m trying to prepare for going back to work but also I’ve had several appointments as its my 6 month follow up time. I had a mammogram and an MRI. Mammogram came out clear and hopefully the MRI will too. I guess waiting for the test results and having to be at the hospital so much is also causing a little bit of stress, making me want to be back in a stress free (mental vacation) state. 

Over the weekend, I was out with my younger brother and his friends for a birthday and while it was fun, it highlighted again the fact that I’m 40 and single (they’re all late 20s to early 30s) and a couple of them are already married. Then one of them (girl of course) says “when are the rest of these guys gonna get married, they’re getting old.” Mind you, part of it is because she’s married and within their close circle of friends, her husband is the only married one so she’s always the only female and she really wants another wife to hang with in the group. I get that, but seriously to say that to me?! If they’re old at 30/31 then I’m ancient!! Was again in a situation like that last night. My mom had a get together for the newlyweds of the wedding we went to last week, who are 10+ yrs younger me. The new bride and her sister in law kept talking about their husbands and how messy they are and adjusting to being married. That could have been part of the conversation, but it didn’t need to be the conversation for the entire night! I actually think it should have been a private conversation, not the one at a party to celebrate your marriage!! Immaturity or cultural?! I think part of it is cultural, it’s just how most (not all) Indian women think. So again it was not an enjoyable conversation. While in Firenze (Florence) and out with my cousin, her husband and their friends, there was no talk like that. Even though they were all 10+ years younger, nothing was said that reminded me I was older, I truly just had a good time! We even decided that I was 31 haha. I came home that night feeling great!

I’m definitely done with these family friend situations for awhile. Missing being away … Mi manchi Italia! I want my next vacation fix! 

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Relax Rejuvenate Recharge

  
I am in London!! Got here yesterday and so far just spent time with cousins. Went out for dinner, talking and catching up, which has been great! Cancer is not on my mind. So nice to mentally have that break!  
I did share the events of the last 2 years with one of my cousins but not the other. I want to tell the other cousin but she’s very close with her mom and I don’t want the whole family to know. Funny though because with the cousin I didn’t tell, we shared a lot of personal stuff. Things that actually made me feel closer to her. I am actually looking forward to spending more time with her in the next few days. The cousin I did tell is quite a big younger and now I am wondering if I should have told her … I’m naturally a very open person and I sometimes share too much. I told her something that saddened me about a cousin I didn’t get to see today. I didn’t need to tell her that, she wasn’t going to make it any better. So don’t know why I told her. I think it’s my natural desire to share. I really need to start keeping more to myself. I’m an open person but I think being too open isn’t a good thing. I trust her and telling her was fine but sometimes I feel that I unnecessarily say too much … Oversharing again!

This vacation is going to give me time to relax, enjoy myself and rejuvenate before going back to work in October. I think we underestimate the power a trip and time away can have. Being in a different environment is fantastic! Meeting new people and seeing new and interesting places is enlightening. Experiencing a different culture, the food, the energy, the art and architecture is amazing! I think it definitely is therapeutic after such a life altering experience. It really will help me recharge and hopefully feel a little closer to my normal self. 

Tomorrow off to see Wimbledon area and Notting Hill. 😊

Beautiful Barcelona

   

  

 I’m in Barcelona. Got here yesterday evening. Was exhausted since I didn’t sleep much on the overnight flight. Woke up late and had to change rooms due to a bathroom issue. Anyways once everything was sorted out I finally went across the street for lunch to Elsa Y Fred. Sitting here and enjoying the food and atmosphere I forgot that I had Breast cancer and am still recovering. I don’t mean forgot for a minute, it just hasn’t been on my mind!! I think that means I need more trips out of North America. I’m not saying I think about it all the time but it’s not something I forget about especially since I’m not back to work yet. At home there are things constantly reminding me because I have Lymphedema and still working on the frozen shoulder. Those things should be resolved in a few months but it’s something that is there right now that I have to go to physiotherapy for and do exercises for every single day. 
Barcelona is a beautiful city! I’ve barely seen it yet but just the little I’ve seen is so lovely. 6 more days in Spain. 😊

Not gonna stop Living My Life

As I mentioned before I am planning a trip to London, Paris and a few cities in Italy. I’m so excited and looking forward to this trip!! The friend that I’m going with wanted to confirm our dates so that she could book her ticket. She’s coming back earlier than I am so we might also be flying there separately. While on the phone I mentioned to her that I went to see my oncologist and now have mild Lymphedema. I was a little down after leaving the hospital. I think because it was a reminder of everything that’s happened in the past year and a half. It’s not life threatening and causes more discomfort than anything else. I did have a bit of pain but that’s gone. My wrist is a little swollen and I’ve been wearing my compression sleeve. I knew there was a chance this could happen but I guess I was hoping it wouldn’t. It is something that can happen when your lymph nodes have been removed and also damaged by radiation. I had both. 

The friend without knowing much about Lymphedema said to me that maybe I shouldn’t be traveling and maybe I should cancel the trip. WHAT?!! My initial response was that I’m not going to stop living my life! She kept going, saying my health comes first. Does she think that I wouldn’t put my health first?! My health has been the priority since this whole ordeal started! Lymphedema is nothing to cancel a trip over and by August it will probably be gone. She then went on to say maybe I shouldn’t travel for the next year or so also because of the surgery. What the F@!$ is she talking about??? What does my surgery have to do with anything?! I’ve been on 4 trips since treatment ended and have been fine. A little tired afterwards but perfectly fine. I told her this. She was still worrying and continued with her Debbie Downer commentary and unsolicited advice. I then said I’d call my doctor and ask my cousin who is a surgeon and familiar with Lymphedema. I realized I was saying it to shut her up and had no intention of calling either of them. The following day I told her that my cousin said it was fine to travel as long as I wore my compression sleeve. I didn’t ask my cousin. Mentioned to my brother who is a physiotherapist and he said exactly that. She felt reassured. I also told her that she didn’t need to worry about me, I know what’s okay for me and what isn’t. Also that I intend to continue living my life without constant worrying. She didn’t respond. 

The entire conversation pissed me off. I think it’s because I didn’t like the fact that someone who isn’t that close was telling me how to live my life! She’s not my doctor or my mother. Who is she to tell me to reconsider my trip?!?! If anything I want to do even more with my life than before. I want to enjoy everyday and live a full, rich and happy life. I’ve been doing a pretty good job. I want to travel as much as possible. I still can’t believe she said that maybe I shouldn’t go. UGH!!! That was not concern, that was her not wanting to inconvenience herself if something happened. You may be thinking that I’m assuming but it was what she was saying and that’s what my gut is telling me. One thing I’ve learned is to trust my instincts. It’s disappointing that she would behave that way but I’m not shocked. This whole experience has taught me a lot about myself and others. Some good, some bad. 

I’m still going to enjoy the trip. I’m not letting her or anyone ruin things for me. Just because she is a worry wart and angry about what happened to her several years ago doesn’t mean she has to rain on my parade. I’m doing well and I’m not going to stop living my life! I hope she isn’t like this while we are traveling. BUT when people show you who they are, you should remember that and not expect them to be someone different. So she will probably be that way on our trip to some extent. As long as it’s minimal I’ll ignore it. 

5 MONTHS TO GO … LONDON PARIS ITALY!! 😄