My fever has finally gone down after 2 days. I’m still completely exhausted and feel like crap. I’ve only been back at work for 3 weeks and already I am feeling run down and like it’s too much. Mainly because I’ve now moved in to my new place, which I have not spent a night in yet! Firstly because hardly anything is unpacked and also because then I got really sick.
I decided to send an email to my case manager at work letting her know that there’s no way I could work full time in 2 months nor could I increase my hours to more than 2 days at this point. I don’t want to hinder my recovery and I’m not prepared to jeopardize my health and well being. Actually yes it is a matter of life or death! I choose life!! I choose to do anything and everything to live as long as possible. If my workplace has an issue with that, then screw them. I know my rights as an employee and with my Dr.’s support I cannot be made to work more than I’m able. Most people require 12-24 months to return to normal and I’m only 4 months post treatment.
In regards to my oncologist … I’ve requested to switch to a different oncologist. I’ve had several issues with her and I don’t think that anyone should have to deal with unnecessary frustration while going through something like this. I was a little apprehensive about doing this but after speaking with the Patient Navigator I know I’m doing the right thing, the best thing for me. It’s my health and well being that is the most important thing. You really do have to be your own advocate.
My return to work has been postponed to the first week of July. My oncologist agreed that I’d need time to adjust to living in my own place. It will be a little tiring at first but I’m sure after a couple of weeks it’ll be fine. Then I can focus on going back to work. Which will also be very tiring at first. HR will be sending out a health care consultant to see how I’m doing and help with support and resources. The other reason is they also want to do their own assessment because I expressed that 12 weeks to full time seemed aggressive at this point. That’s the procedure they follow and it’s totally fine with me as I’m not lying about anything.
Part of me doesn’t want to go back to the job but the other part of me likes being downtown and it will give me a sense of normalcy. There’s a part of me that also wants to do something creative … I feel like this is a second chance at life. A wake up call to say ‘tomorrow is not promised and life is short’. Do what you love and what you’re passionate about. I’ve been mulling this over for years and am always jumping back and forth. So it ends up leading back to staying in my corporate job and not being able to commit as much as I need to and would like to, to what I really want to do.
This time I am going to make that change, one step at a time but I’ll do it. Life is short and I want to make the most of everyday. Don’t want to spend the second half of my life in a career feeling like I’m meant to do something else. The difficulty is there are a few things I’d like to do and right now I’m not sure which direction to go in. I’ll get there though … One day at a time. I’ll figure it out.
I believe that if you do what you love and are passionate about … All will fall into place. You have to believe in yourself, what you’re doing and persevere. Imagine life where your career is something you’re passionate about and love doing!