Living in 6 month Increments

It’s been awhile since I’ve written. I’m so exhausted with work, exercise, organizing my place and trying to have a life. But at least I am alive and living my life! Last week I found out that a friends sister in law passed away a year after finishing breast cancer treatment. So sad. I am so thankful to be alive and try to appreciate and be grateful for all that I have.

Two weeks ago my oncologist gave me a letter to support being off of work completely for another 4 months. So happy and relieved!! I feel so much better knowing that I can take the time to fully recover and focus on my health. I need to be strong physically, mentally and emotionally before I return to work full time. It’s hard to know how you’re going to feel until you are there. I’ve been back for 4 months and managing my post treatment regimen has been a struggle. I’m also so excited to actually fully unpack and get my place organized. That will also make me feel a lot better! No one tells you that just because treatment is over doesn’t mean that the journey ends. The physical after effects continue and emotionally you also need time to recover. No matter how strong you are it takes a toll. Some people may not show it and everyone deals and reacts to things differently but it takes a toll.
Very soon I can put 100% into my health, well being and recovery.

During the past month I’ve been going through all my follow up tests. Starting with a mammogram last month which of course was painful but at least it was only one side (no breast tissue on the other side). Then after that I had a (low grade) CT scan. Waited over a week for the results which was agonizing but I resolved within myself to be OK with whatever the results were. Finally got a call and both were good!! In fact the mammary node had shrunk. It could have already been my normal mode size but because there’s no baseline we didn’t know for sure. The fact that it’s smaller now it’s a safer to say that the cancer cells have been eradicated. I can’t express how RELIEVED I felt. I was at work and walked into the bathroom because I had tears of joy and needed a minute. Until that point my oncologist had told me that there may still be some Cancer cells there. Not the case anymore. Wooo Hooo!!! A week later I had an MRI and after that an Ultrasound bc something came up in the MRI that they needed to make sure was nothing. The torture of waiting for test results. Ugh! So again the agonizing wait but all turned out fine. EXHALE …

I am so relieved! I will be positive and happy until my next follow up in 6 months. It’s like living in 6 month increments. Living life 6 months at a time. Trying to get to that 5 year mark where you can say you’ve made it that long and are out of the woods. SIGH. Right now I’m 7 months post treatment and alive! So grateful for that.

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No crying

Today I didn’t cry … Maybe I cried enough yesterday to last a few days. My eyes were puffy this morning so I wasn’t exactly looking great. Not that it matters, it’s not like I went anywhere. Maybe I should try going to do a yoga class. I just feel so tired all the time that going anywhere seems like such a task. I think it’s also my room being cluttered and not being the way I’d like it to be. It’s not motivating. The clutter in the house is really starting to get to me and there’s nothing I can do. I will focus on my room and at least try to get that in order by Christmas. That way at least by the time I have surgery things will feel more pleasant in my room.

I’m supposed to have my MRI tomorrow but because I had an allergic reaction to the contrast dye I need a prescription before the MRI this time. I emailed my oncologist yesterday and she said she would send a prescription. What does that mean??? Via email? Well there was no email today saying anything. So what do I do? Reschedule the MRI for next week? This is annoying. Everything there seems so disorganized. Frustrating. I emailed her again asking about the prescription and if I get no reply I will call tomorrow morning. I still have to go get the prescription so depending on how far in advance I have to take it the MRI tomorrow night may not work. Ugh.

Oh and my broker still has not made it back here for me to sign back the offer. The thought of having to move in the middle of all this is stressing me out BUT at the same time I’d like to get the place sold and not have to worry about it anymore.