It’s OK … I’m HAPPY I’m Alive!!!

I wrote this last JUNE … Summer is here and with that comes summer clothes that are less bulky, where it’s noticeable that I have one breast. The radiated skin is sensitive and wearing a bra for too long is uncomfortable. Because I don’t have big breasts, most of the time I’ll just wear a sports bra and tank top … Like right now as I’m getting a pedicure. I’m also socializing a bit more now so it was time to finally get the prosthesis I’ve gone without for 6 months! Sometimes I’d just put some material in my bra and it worked lol. Oh well … It’s OK, I’m happy I’m alive!
I’m now living in the suburbs with my parents and will be in my own place and still out of the city for at least another year. It’s OK … I’m happy I’m alive!!
Was so interesting to read what I had written 3 months post treatment!

I’m so glad that I started writing this blog. It got me through some rough days since writing helped get it out. It’s also something others can read, whether it’s something they can relate to or whether they’re learning about another persons journey through breast cancer treatment and life afterwards. I also love to write so it was (and still is) a great way to document everything. Reading the above reminded me of where I was and where I am now. I will only continue to feel better.

A lot of things still don’t bother me because I’m truly just thankful and happy to be alive. There are a lot of things I don’t care about anymore, insignificant things that may have bothered me in the past. I try to live in the present and not worry about the future as worrying isn’t going to change it. I’m also more focused on doing the things that make me happy!

And as for my one breast, it’s been a year and 2 months since the mastectomy and I don’t really care that much. Yes I want to feel normal again with two breasts, and I don’t want to worry about wearing my prosthesis and thinking about certain clothes that may be too low in the front. Actually I don’t really care about the ‘being low in the front’, I usually will wear it anyways. The hassle of the right bra with the prosthesis is a pain, especially when I want to wear a strapless! Ugh. Still working on that one. I’d like to just look and feel like myself again but if I have to wait another year for the reconstruction it really doesn’t matter to me because I’M HAPPY and GRATEFUL FOR MY LIFE. 😊

New Hair, New Start!

I forgot to mention my CT results came out normal, everything looks clear. The only thing is that there is no way to know for sure but as far as they can see the cancer is gone!!! I’m going to think positive and do whatever I need to, to stay healthy and alive!

It’s a new beginning. Better and more colourful than before! I am moving into a new place, bought a new car and re-shaved my head for new post-treatment hair. New hair new start! Yes I like nice things but the things that are truly important are not tangible. I’ve become a little more patient, a little kinder, and a little more loving or at least I’m trying to be. I think it’s also important and beneficial to remember that we are all different and to not expect everyone to think and do things the way you would. I hope to be a better person and I think when you go through something like this, that can very naturally happen.

This was a wake up call, a reminder that life is precious and each day should be celebrated and not taken for granted. We take so many things for granted. We’re human and it’s very easy for that to happen. Appreciating all the things we have makes life richer, and brings more peace and happiness. At the end of each day I am thankful that I’m alive and getting healthier. Everything else now seems secondary and I’ve promised myself to never let anything take away my joy. It’s normal (and healthy) to have moments of sadness, anger, stress or any other unhappy emotion but it shouldn’t take over and last for a long period of time. Otherwise, that’s time spent in that negative space instead of time spent being happy and enjoying life. I’ve also learned to not be annoyed with the things that aren’t in my control. Because I have no control over those things, being bothered isn’t gonna change them and is only affecting ME in a negative way. That one was hard for me at times haha.

None of us are perfect but I’ve made myself some promises that I will try my best to keep. One of which is gratitude for all that I have, most importantly MY LIFE.

#gratitude