Exhausted …

I haven’t written in awhile … mainly because I’ve been busy and by the time I sit down and relax at the end of the day my brain just wants to turn off. I often think “how am I going to manage working full time when I’m so busy while not working?!” I guess I’ll figure it out when the time comes. 

After coming back from Spain I’ve been working out more. Hoping that it will help me lose some weight but no such luck. Losing weight was never so difficult! I have to remember that there are several factors at play here and it’s not because I’m not making an effort. It seems that each time I go away I gain a few pounds … It’s easy, I’m on vacation and eat whatever I want including dessert! Yummmm! And in Spain the food was soooo good. Let’s remember I’ve been away 4 times in the past year. If I gained a few pounds each time that would be right around 15 pounds. There you have it … the 15 pounds I’ve gained. In the past if I gained a few pounds, I’d lose it soon after. The losing part doesn’t seem to be happening. Nothing is balancing out. 

I started going to the gym and doing classes. It was a little challenging at first but I’m already seeing improvements. I am a teeny bit stronger than before :). I’ve been exercising 2-4 times a week and since June 1st I’ve been focusing more on eating clean. I will continue and see what happens by the end of the month. I’m not expecting to see the weight just drop since I know with me everything right now is slow. If I see even the slightest improvement I’ll be happy. I just need to know that something is happening. 

Did I mention that the joint pain in my knees has gotten worse! It’s bad enough that I’m trying to recover and also lose weight but now the joint pain is impeding my ability to exercise. I cannot do certain things, it’s too painful. So once again, I feel like I’m 80. Every time I make progress there is something else pushing me back. All of this is getting to me. I’ve been super sensitive and emotional since the joint pain worsened. Oh and in case you aren’t aware the joint pain is due to the Tamoxifen. The hot flashes have subsided and have been replaced with more joint pain. I’ll take the hot flashes, at least I just have to strip down to my tank top and I’m good. 

I’ve also been busy looking for a condo. The condo hunt is not going well. There are a lot of condos in my neighbourhood, where I’d like to stay but the nicer ones don’t come up often. That has also been a bit frustrating. If I had not hesitated and put in an offer quicker for my current place (the one I’m renting) I could have avoided the whole condo search and moving again. Moving is a pain in the ass! I’ve already moved twice in the last two years. I feel so unsettled right now. All of this is exhausting. 

Hoping that I find something soon so I can at least put that to bed. Fingers crossed.