I’m still 130 pounds, which is fine but it’s not my normal weight. So it’s not totally fine with me but it’s not something that I’m worried about either. The thing is I am still recovering so I’m not back to normal in a lot of ways. Being 10 lbs more than before is adding to that feeling of not being my normal self. I can’t do any workouts that are too strenuous and due to my energy levels I can only do so much in one day so sometimes exercising just doesn’t happen. I remember days where I’d be tired after work and I would still go to the gym … SIGH. Those days are definitely over!
I keep telling myself I will get there but it’s been a struggle. I know I will get there but it will take time and as I’ve said before BEING HEALTHY is my priority. The reason I’m feeling more bothered today is that I saw some pictures from a girls night last week. I look fat!!! OK I don’t look fat but I don’t look like myself! Looking at that picture and another one from a year ago was a bit shocking! I look like a chubbier version of my previous ‘skinny girl’ self. Truth be told I really want to get back to ME! Looking at the pic reminded me that I’m not back to MY NORMAL SELF.
I know that a lot of things will never get back to being exactly like before. I have major joint pain in my knees and the fatigue is definitely still there. I’m now 11 months post treatment and I hope that in another 6-12 months I’ll be closer to my normal. I’ve accepted that things have changed and it’s OK. I’m alive and well enough to be enjoying my life. I’m fine with having a new normal, however that new normal includes me being back to 120lbs! Eventually I’ll get there and be able to wear all the nice clothes I have but can’t get into! I’m going to be wearing those cute white pants I have very soon!! 😊