Today was Mother’s Day and my brother and his wife came over with the kids. I love spending time with my nieces so it was a good day overall. However I did have moments of sadness and feelings of exclusion. I knew that would happen and had mentally prepared myself but that doesn’t make it easy. I’ve accepted that I won’t be having my own biological children but getting here was a difficult process and there are still moments of sadness. More so when I’m around people with children and I’m the only one who isn’t a mother. I’m still reeling from everything so I know it’ll get easier as time goes on. It will get better.
Cancer has had an everlasting impact in so many ways. Not only will I not be having my own children but I basically lost 10 months of my life. I don’t know what I would have done without my mom during these last 10 months.
She has been my saving grace, the person who took care of me each and every day. I’m so grateful that she was and still is healthy enough to take care of me. She’s 65 years old and at times ran herself ragged because she was still working and doing everything for me. She did take days off during certain weeks but taking care of someone going through cancer treatment is a job in itself. Let’s not forget the emotional toll it took on her. SIGH. She held me when I cried, she was positive and reassuring when I was scared, she told me I was still beautiful and very brave when I was worn down, she stayed with me in my room when I felt alone, she fed and bathed me when I couldn’t do those things myself, she encouraged me to draw, crochet and just be creative when I felt lost, and she celebrated with a party & cake a few times when treatment was done!!
Thinking about what my mom had to go through still makes me cry. A parent should never have to see their child suffering like that. I have a better relationship with her and a new found respect and appreciation for her. Her idiosyncrasies (that used to drive me a little crazy at times) don’t even bother me anymore. Have I just gotten used to them after living here for the last 10 months or have I just relaxed about things that aren’t in my control and learned to not let those things affect me? I think (and hope) that it’s the latter. I have to remember that she’s not perfect, she’s human like everyone else. She’s my mother and she loves me.
Happy Mother’s Day!