Right now I guess I’m in recovery/rehab. Not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well. Everything has taken a huge toll. I still have moments of fear and worry but try to keep that in check by being grateful for what I do have … My family, my friends and my life. I want to live each day in happiness and peace and not worry about relapse/recurrence. It’s impossible to never worry or think about it but if those thoughts are few and far between, I can deal with that.
I’m still not working as I’m extremely fatigued most of the time. For now I have appointments, and info sessions. Tomorrow I see my surgeon for a follow up, Wed I am attending a Lymphedema Info session and Thursday a session on Eating Well After Breast Cancer. I also need to find a physiotherapist and attend a cancercise (post cancer exercise) program. I feel out of shape and my whole body feels stiff. I’d like to start doing some yoga as well. I think that would help mentally/emotionally as well as physically. Truthfully I feel fat, even though I’m not. But as I say about most things now, I’M ALIVE so it’s not a big deal, I’ll get back in shape eventually.
My radiated skin is still healing. Doesn’t feel much better yet though. It’s red and itchy. I moisturize all day and also use pure aloe first thing in the morning. It’s like I’m super tanned in that area. I was also told that the radiated skin will be sensitive FOREVER! Really forever?! I thought they were going to tell me 6 months, a year maybe but not forever! Oh well a small price to pay for being alive so it really isn’t a big deal. Like so many other things that probably would have bothered me before, a lot of things seem insignificant now. I’d like to go on vacation soon, somewhere warm with a beach. Here’s hoping my skin heals sooner than later.
I’m also hoping that emotionally and mentally I heal sooner than later as well. I have a counselling appointment set up through the hospital but I have to wait a month or so. In the meantime there are programs offered through the hospital and their partners that I’m looking into. These are programs based on getting physically back on track through exercise but have an emotional/mental component as well. I can’t wait to start living my life again with some sense of normalcy. I’m changed forever but I can have a new normal. And who knows it may be even better than before.
By the way my mom had a few friends over on Saturday to celebrate again! There was prayer, the food and fun and CAKE! One of my mothers lovely friends also brought me flowers. At one point my mom was thanking her 2 close friends for the support they had given her through everything and I can’t remember the rest because I became too emotional. Had to go upstairs and give myself a minute. It’s still overwhelming at times but I guess that’s natural and will tone down with time. I truly felt loved and still do.
As we can see my sleep cycle is a disaster. So now that it’s 3:45am I’m going to sleep.