Today was the first day that I actually didn’t struggle to get up and felt like I had energy!! I’ve been so tired since August and then sick for a month along with continuing to be tired that I forgot what it felt like to actually have energy. I was sooo happy today! It’s amazing how my mood just changed. I felt better and not as emotionally exhausted. I felt more positive and happier than I’ve been in a very long time. I forgot what that even felt like. The past year has been hell! Relaxed, positive and happy is something I couldn’t even remember.
I had also joined this online community of women dealing with breast cancer (past or present). On the message board someone had asked the question … ‘When do you stop feeling tired and how do you deal with the constant feeling of fatigue?’ This woman had been tired for 5 years after she was cancer free! Then other people started responding and saying that it hadn’t really gone away for them either but they tried to find ways to manage it. Reading that scared the hell outta me! I think the people on the site responding are the ones that are still fatigued and at home more than someone who is back to living their life normally (their new normal). It’s like when I was on an online message board for women over 40 trying to conceive, most of the women were struggling and sharing their stories. I found out last weekend that an acquaintance just had a baby naturally at 47/48 and last year I met someone who accidentally got pregnant and had a baby at 43. Both these babies were born healthy. Granted that is probably not the norm but it still happens. However, these women are not going on a message board writing about it because they’re not having any issues so don’t feel the need to be online chatting with other women. I think the same goes for the women on the breast cancer community site.
Today made me realize that things can get back to normal. I had forgotten what happy felt like. I am going to do everything I can to get healthy and back to my normal self even if it’s a new normal.