I realized that my first few posts were short and had a somewhat upbeat vibe. My recent posts have been very long and some where I’m very sad. I guess somewhere between month 1 and month 5, the emotional exhaustion set in. The physical exhaustion didn’t help. They go hand in hand. 18 weeks of chemo! Ugh thank god that’s over!!
Now It is post-op day 4 and I’m not as traumatized looking at myself in the mirror. I think I got everything out of the way the day after surgery when I cried and cried and cried. Now it’s time to recover so I started doing my exercises yesterday and I also did laundry today! Yaayyyy!! On the flip side I just leaned on my left elbow to push myself up and wanted to scream! I forgot that I can’t put any pressure on that arm. Funny how something small can become something big. It’s all relative and puts things into perspective.
The other thing about perspective is you see what’s important and what isn’t. In these situations you also see who cares and who doesn’t. Over the weekend right after surgery my cousins came from out of town to see me. That was very sweet of them and very much appreciated. I also have the few friends that called/texted to see how things went and they will come see me soon. Then I have the friends who I thought were my close friends but haven’t even bothered to come see me at all and barely call. I have no time for those people. What’s important to me is sharing my time with the people who are truly my friends, who will be there for me in these critical situations. Everyone’s life is busy but if someone is going to call themselves my friend then they need to be around for the good and the bad, otherwise they are not real friends and they need to be bumped down to acquaintance level. What really put things into perspective was thinking about my mothers friends who have made more of an effort than some of my own friends. What an eye opener that was!