I’m pretty tired today. Went to my place to get a few more things that I needed. This was after picking up my niece and dropping her off at home … All this with my mom of course. I decided to go with her at the last minute. Being home all the time I’m sure is adding to me feeling depressed. I’ve also realized that I don’t have a lot of close friends. Tons of acquaintances but friends that are going to come see me or spend time with me. Not too many. The couple of friends that would spend time live at the opposite end of the city. Sucks.

Talked to my cousin (surgeon) and her husband (anesthetist) today and they helped me feel more comfortable about the surgery. I’m still a little nervous but I feel a little more at ease.

Last chemo treatment coming up. I need to do something to celebrate. Or at least take advantage of the couple of weeks prior to surgery where I feel ok. Would be nice to go away for a week in December before surgery … I’m going in April or whenever radiation is over and I can go BUT would be nice to go around the holidays. 3 weeks from now I’m going to go get a massage, mani and pedi though!

I’ve been thinking about the friendships in the last 15 years that I didn’t nurture. More in the past than recent years. Friends that probably would have still been good friends today. I’ve also been thinking about the guys that I could have had relationships with that were good guys that I just wasn’t receptive to. I almost feel like I’m starting over with friends, men, and my career. It’s almost like being 20 all over again. Being 20 minus the feeling of being care free with your whole life ahead of you. SIGH.

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