Need to find something to do

The last couple of days I’ve been feeling better but still emotionally very up and down. Part of it is probably because I’m home and not living my normal life. I’m not working and now living with my parents. It’s difficult feeling like I can’t do anything or go anywhere. I mean I can at times but my energy level is better during the day and now I have no car so feel stuck until my mom comes home. Yes it was time for my car to finally go. I’ve had that car forever. Also, a lot of the friends I’d hang out with are not in Mississauga. They’re downtown or east of the city. It sucks but I’m halfway through. 1 more chemo treatment to go.

I also don’t really love daytime tv and there’s only so much tv I can watch. I need to read and also find something else to work on. Drawing, redoing bathroom in my room? I used to listen to music and sing a lot, haven’t been doing any of that. Haven’t done much of the things that make me happy and am home feeling tired and sick most of the time. No wonder I feel depressed! The weather is now cold which makes me want to stay indoors even more, especially with my bald head I’m cold even inside. Really need to get that wig!

I’m still reading stories on survivors and what they’re doing. There is a common theme in terms of nutrition/supplements but there’s still so much info it’s confusing.

Still cry everyday. For different reasons. Sometimes it’s something small but I’m emotionally worn out so it’ll make me cry. Other times I’m just sad and then I guess there are moments where I’m frustrated and scared. There are also times where I just feel emotionally overwhelmed with everything and I just feel like crying. Can’t wait until these days are behind me. This has been the most difficult year of my life.

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