Is this really happening!?

So I’m at the appt with the surgeon and he is very concerned. Says I should have come in sooner. Yes I know that already and feel like crap about not coming in sooner. Can’t cry over spilt milk. It takes me a week or two to really get there though. Because he is concerned, I  get a mammogram, imaging and a biopsy all that day! I’m emotionally exhausted and just completely overwhelmed. Is this really happening?? It feels so surreal. We also book the appointments for the bone scan and pelvic/abdominal ultrasound and an MRI within the next few days. Oh I forgot I also had a chest X-ray that same day. Exhale … That day was a blur. My mom came and met me half way through the day which was great. I really needed the support so I go back to my parents place since going home and being alone would be hell! it was comforting having my mother around. At least I had someone to take care of me which I would not have done. I am in a daze. Not having lived at home in almost 15 yrs it was a bit of an adjustment and felt weird being out of the city but it was nice at the same time.

Back to the story. i go onto work the next day and tell my boss the situation. He is so compassionate and empathetic that he tells me to take my laptop and go home. He is such an awesome boss! So I tell a couple of my coworkers and leave, the rest will find out later once I know for sure what’s happening.

Aug 6. I’m back at the surgeon’s office, my additional tests/scans have been done and he has all the results. He was pretty awesome as well for expediting everything!! So I officially have breast cancer which has spread to two local lymph nodes but I also have two lumps in my left breast. It’s all still local so I am very thankful (to God) for that. They now have to change the treatment plan because of the second lymph node. Now the plan is chemo first, surgery second. I get a second opinion from the other surgeon there and he concurs. Also when I get home I call my cousin who is a general surgeon and she agrees (she’s also had a chance to look at the imaging). I decide that I am going to go ahead with the chemo first. Oncology appt is booked the following week.

Still working here and there from home and trying to keep busy. Call my boss so now my extended team at work knows. Also getting forms and paperwork sorted out for disability benefits and critical illness insurance (which I thankfully paid into, which was barely anything). I think everyone should get it since you never know what will happen. I’m also reading other blogs and trying to get info on chemo side effects etc. the ones I’m finding are scaring me. I read one and now I’m even more terrified! I stop reading anymore blogs.

Aug 13. I’m at the oncologist appt with my baby brother and sister in law (other brothers wife) who have both been great! The oncologist talks to me then examines me and then says can you start chemo Tomorrow? Omg so soon!? I’m mentally so not prepared but I say sure. Already made the decision so the sooner the better. I’m scared and having so much anxiety. Not knowing what to expect is daunting.

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